As many of you know, I work in a music store.  There are times when business is terribly slow.  Slow beyond boredom-inducing.  It can become downright threatening to one's sanity.  Fortunately, I am already insane, and convert further insanity into quasi-creativity.  This is a piece of a larger work that came of a long stretch of slow time, while I was alone in my department. one of the pages of the memoirs of a DSM (department sales manager).  I was bored.  So very bored...enjoy:

Manager's Log- Storedate 2.1.06.02

I have been stranded behind this god-forsaken counter for what seems like aeons.  The habitat, however, seems for the most part non-hostile.  A survey of my surroundings suggests a polytheistic native society, the walls draped with metallic idols to various gods.  Upon further study, I may be able to decipher the true forms or significance of the natives' spiritual leaders, as it is quite difficult to picture any form of being in the shape of these monuments, as people tend to see themselves in their gods' image and the inhabitants I've seen have looked nothing like them.  For now, I will have to assume that they worship via interpretive art, allowing their obvious...creativity...to appease the spirits they serve.

I have not explored far beyond the crash site, but can make out the borders of what appear to be five different nations, or "departments," as I've overheard some aboriginals call them.  Each seems to have its own form of the aforementioned interpretive idols prominently displayed, yet general peace between all nations seems to exist.  This leads me to believe that this society has advanced beyond religious violence, or perhaps in support of my theory, each social group has its own interpretive monuments to what may actually be the same gods.

Manager's Log- Storedate 2.2.06.02

The natives seem to prefer an all black garb, which by pure good fortune happens to be my uniform's color.  Because of this, they have been peaceable, accepting me as one of their own.  One in particular stands out from the rest.  He (I believe the being to be male) has darker skin, a large beard, and a ball-like crown on his head.  It is because of his unique qualities that I assume he is a leader within this society.  Continually refering to me as "Mendelberry," I am lead to believe my name is unpronouncable in the native tongue.  It's intriguing, really...

Manager's Log- Storedate 2.3.06.02

It occurs to me that I seem to be the only inhabitant of my nation.  Hanging ominously above me are several black pods, vaguely resembling the idols on the walls.  Perhaps this nations's populace spawn from these cocoons carved in the images of their respective personal spirit guides.  I do hope that the new generation are as amicable as the current life forms.  Though, I suppose I could possibly escape before they "hatch..."

Some feeble attempts at communication have been made.  Two, from the western nation, attempted to talk to me, one about "second hand souls," and the other "audiot," as other nations call them attempted to sell me an item off my own counter which he had hidden under his jacket before hurriedly skittering away...

Manager's Log- Storedate 2.4.06.02

 Several trade routes seem to run through the world.  Skittering, outlandish beings known as "customers" by the natives move in and around the nations, trying timidly to communicate their primitive thoughts to the far more advanced aboriginal species.  Perhaps I won't rush off this rock just yet, i believe more research is required first.  I feel there is much to learn here...

~Lee 

So, due to fun extended hours for the holidays, which in retail means 10-15 hour work days, I went on a nifty no sleep and caffiene binge over the weekend. It was nifty keen. Also, many friends were home for thanksgiving, which meant many nights of heavy drinking, mostly jagerbombs, which was more caffiene. Long story short I was extra hyper and overtired for much of the last week or so. The moral: I like Jolt Cola. It makes me happy, in that nifty numb heart attack sort of way. This was a good week.

New topic, as an amusing side project, and what will probably be taken by many uber-feminists as a confession or admittance to potential flaws of the male thought process, I am writing a piece for a friend of mine called "So You Wanna be a Straight Male" because he seems to need help acting the part. It is exactly what it sounds like, and no, I will not give any further details at this time. I will however say that I have no problem whatsoever with homosexuals, and some of my best friends are in fact gay. Also, despite the possible numerous sexist jokes and the chapter on proper chauvinism and pickup lines, the opinions expressed therein have no relevance to the opinions of this author, so I ask all who read it to please lighten up enough to laugh, possibly at themselves, and take it with a grain of salt. This about covers my disclaimers. If you don't like the idea or the paper, don't read it, and it won't bother you anymore. If the idea amuses you as much as it does me, however, I will also accept guest contributions, guest chapters, and other input. I will give credit to said guests in the essay, and will send copies to those who contribute upon completion and their requests.  Below is a portion of the inrtoduction to give you a brief clue as to how it will procede:

Please remember my disclaimers, and you may leave contributions to the paper as comments here along with how you would like me to credit you if I choose to include them. Thank you.

~Lee

Tis the season to go shopping

fa lalalala la la la la

Target, Walmart, and mall hopping

Fa lalalala la la la la

Waiting on lines, getting pissed off

Falala lalala la la la

Checking people on our lists off

fa lalalala la la la la

*instrumental interlude*

And at work- extended hours

 fa lalalala la la la la

 All of our free time devoured

  fa lalalala la la la la

People pissy for no reason

falala lalala la la la

I hate the holiday season...

fa lalalala lala la la.

And we're off...

~Lee 

ALIVE!! He is alive! You, TBlog- You thought you were rid of him, didn't you?! DIDN'T YOU?! Well poo on you, for he has returned after over a year of absence to lay claim over this blog as the awesome superior blogger he so is. MUAHAHAHA!

 
And so, without further adieu, ladies, gentlemen, bored teenagers, and whosoever else may be in the audience today, I give you, once again, for your reading (dis?)pleasure, your lord and master, ruler of all he surveys provided it entails only this page and his facebook, the one, the only...Lee!!!!

 
**monstrous applause**

Greetings loyal minions, thy master hath returned! BOW TO ME AND LIKE IT! Now I could do like I have in the past and apologise profusely for the lack of updates and time and sidetracked-ness and go into some longwinded explaination as to why I haven't updated in over a year, but the fact is, college ended, and with it most of my daily misadventures. Also, I hate you all.

WAIT! NOOOO! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW, COME BACK! PLEASE! ...I beg you...When I said I hate you all, I meant it with love. Oh I missed it here... Still here? YAY! Now I get to rant at you!

Yes, yes, 'tis true, college is over, for nearly a year now, and by some wonderful twist of fate I now have my $100000 piece of paper that says I can have a job. I like the music store tho, so I'm back there anyhow. YAY WASTED MONEY! But I did it, I'm Gradumacated! ...FUCK YOU it is so a real word!

Let it be known that today kicks off a new beginning, a rebirth of Insanity's Outlet. I have re-established a semblence of a social life and feel enough is happening now to blog once more, thus so begins the newest incarnation of this journal. WELCOME ME AND GIVETH ME HUGS AND OR COMMENTS ONCE MORE!

Tomorrow is the turkey day! My mother, however, who is now a nurse, has to work. My father, my sister, and I of course, fretted quite a bit, I don't like turkey and we all suck at cooking, and then it dawned upon us: NACHOS! That's right folks, we shall have a Nachos and Beer thanksgiving. What more deserves thanks than nachos and beer, I ask you? What indeed? NOTHING! DON'T ARGUE WITH ME FOR I AM GOD AND MY BEING WRONG WOULD COMPROMISE YOUR ENTIRE REALITY! Yay i'm right! I will be too busy eating nachos and drinking tomorrow, but friday will be a wondrous party at night, and thusly an awesomeful entry for later that night. complete with new drinky goodness and tales of glorious drunken antics. You all missed that, I know. Until we meet again...

Your lord and master,

~Lee

Greetings.  We, and by we I mean...actually it occurs to me that by we I mean we this time and not I since I'm here right now with Sam Silver, are reporting live from the god-forsaken computer labs of the eeeeeeevil Marquis basement of Lafayette Hell. 

4:26AM

Scratch that- due to conversation outside this entry, the time is now 4:42am EST.

Now what relatively intact mind would write a blog at this unholy hour?  Not many.  None, actually.  Unless of course the author was UNWILLINGLY DRAGGED FROM HIS BED BY A FIRE ALARM, HAVING JUST FALLEN ASLEEP MOMENTS AGO, AND BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AWESOME DREAM TO FIND HIMSELF TEMPORARILY EVICTED BY THE INCOMPETENCE OF THE INSTITUTION AND NOW WANDERING THE CAMPUS IN HIS PAJAMAS AND A TRENCH COAT. <deep breath>.

Ok, so its my birthday weekend.  Whoopty-doo.  Big fat hairy deal.  EMT! (english major time for the acronymically impaired) Voluminous obese hirsute hoopla. I don't even really care that much anymore.  I'll be 21, now i can buy alcohol.  Oh wow.  I've been doing that no problem since i was fuckin 16.  Let me briefly recount how my weekend seems to be a suckfest already, how it was, if you will shot down in its prime.  Before its prime.  There was a sniper on the rooftop, he took out its knees, man.  Shot both right out.  Then it was slowly tortured into submission to the suck that we know as lafayette.

Ok- Now presenting The Timeline of Suck...

Yesterday 4pm: Realize I need to drop a course and hence overload next semester.

Yesterday 4:30pm- call the parents and get grilled.  Next grilling appointment set for wednesday

Yestertoday 9pm-12:30am- party idea never happens, end up playing videogames and pondering my pathetic existance

Today: 1-3:26am- Stare at ceiling and pray for sleep...or death...whichever came first.

Today 3:26am-present fire alarm, incompetent public safety officers don't know how to fix whatever is wrong with the boiler which is probably in an illegal state of disrepair due to the school's not giving a shit, thereby making it temporarily a veritable time bomb while we are all temporarily evicted until further notice for the next few hours from our dorm

For those of you who remember my adventure last year with the pillar we stole, the public safety officer who stopped us that night recognised me and decided to single me out in front of everyone, and recount the story from his perspective.  Wonderful.

Most bothersome of all however, as i stated in the begining of this blog, I was in the middle of an awesome dream.  I will  not go into details, but rest assured, it had an awesomeness that rivaled most cools. 

Its 5:05am, I am currently dormless, and more importantly bedless, bitter, and fairly annoyed by this predicament.  If you are a hot girl and would like to lend me your bed, body, or otherwise console me, please alert me asap, email works, as do comments.  I hate this place.  I will have my revenge, as will Sam. This is Lee, your lord and master, saying doom on you, Lafayette College, and signing off.